Archives for posts with tag: progesterone

First of all, thank you to Ladyloveandbabydust for generously sending me progesterone last week! It got to LA quickly and I didn’t have to order just a few pills, which would’ve been a huge hassle and delivery fee.

However, my level was tested at the fertility clinic yesterday and was only 17. 17 is perfectly acceptable, in fact it’s only concerning if it’s below 15, but the clinic likes it to be over 20 to be on the safe side, so they put me back on it. Ugh I was so excited to be done shoving powder pills up there all day long!

I requested to get a generic version from Kaiser thinking it would be cheaper and way easier to pick up (the fertility pharmacy is far away and had an expensive delivery charge), but when I picked it up from Kaiser it was $100 anyway.

The final part to my rant has to do with a burning sensation. I’ve heard mamaetmaman say before, that endometrian burns, and as I was arriving at work this morning, realizing my vagina was on fire, she popped into my mind. Ouch! As Gollum would say, “It burns us”!

However, I will go to great lengths to ensure our baby stays with us, so even kicking up my progesterone level a little and spending extra money is fine. I’m just not looking forward to torturing my private parts three times a day for two more weeks.

In other news, or lack thereof, our genetic testing results have not come back yet. I really look forward to knowing our baby is healthy, and can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl! It’s going to make things so real… Hurry up, universe! And Verify.

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The morning sickness really kicked in this weekend, which was reassuring. Yay, I’m nauseous! Yay, my breasts feel like they’ve been punched! Yay, I’m awake from 2-4 every morning! Ah, those reassuring miseries! Although I haven’t had any heavy or red bleeding since my second ultrasound last Friday, I’ve continued to have pink and brown spotting. I’m up to four progesterone suppositories daily, but I won’t share the lovely effects of that even on a TMI TTC blog. Worst of all, we cannot have sex.

We’ve learned a lot about subchorionic hematomas in the last few days. Most women who have them seem to be put on complete or partial bed rest, but there isn’t any evidence that would help with one like mine. I really miss exercising now, having thought I’d be finally going back to it after the first US, and instead going from taking walks and using light weights to exactly nothing! I just want the baby to be okay, so I’ve given up extra activity aside from working. Last night J said, “I thought you just get pregnant, eat healthy for 9 months then have a baby!”

We had to make a really hard decision over the weekend to postpone our wedding. I felt strongly that having our full wedding before the baby came was important, so we were scrambling to set everything up in time. Our save-the-dates were finished Saturday morning and we reviewed the venue contract and got ready to send in the deposit. We even went to Sur la Table to start our registry Saturday night! The machine you use to scan items you want on your registry was broken, so I guess that was a sign. Sunday morning, my mother called me and shared that she feels the hemorrhage is just one of many things that can happen, and that being in a secluded location any time in our third trimester is not a good idea. We were planning our wedding for Sequoia National Park when I would have been 28 weeks, a time when you can go into preterm labor and any number of other complications can happen, especially with an “older” mother (I’ll be 36). My mother had been so completely excited about our wedding, I know she was thinking medically about this and I appreciate her intervention.

When my mom called, I was walking into Michael’s to look for lanterns for the reception tables. My sister and I had been talking about the decorations an hour before. It was the first time I had actually gone out to do a wedding planning activity. I totally trust my mom though, and as I heard the words coming out of her mouth, I knew it was the right thing to do. I sat in an empty craft classroom in Michael’s and sobbed. I felt like a rug was being pulled out from under me. At the same time, I felt taken care of and like our baby is already loved, and that was nice.

We’re now focusing completely on the pregnancy. In a few weeks when we feel more comfortable, we’ll start the wedding planning again, probably for spring 2016. I feel really sad and disappointed, but I also know it’s the right thing to do. I’ll be able to drink at my wedding, and I’ll get over a year to plan, and we’ll be able to take a honeymoon (hopefully with our child) and those are all good things.

Time cannot move fast enough until our ultrasound on Wednesday afternoon. I can’t wait to see my baby’s heart pounding away again. I’m sending him/her a ton of love and hope! Grow and be strong, little one, we love you and want you so much!

Warning: Miscarriage symptoms and personal TMI mentioned

It’s been a really difficult couple of days. I’ve been convinced I’m having a miscarriage, then relieved at every little sign that maybe I’m not. After the breast soreness diminished two nights ago, I had some pink spotting yesterday when I woke up. I was sobbing before I even had my coffee. J finally returned from her business trip last night. It was amazing to pile into bed with her and the kitties and just have her next to me after being alone all week worrying. My breasts started to feel super sore again last night, which was exciting. I felt like it was an excellent sign, but when I woke up this morning, there was more pink spotting. Even worse, I had cramps. Mild, them moderate, then mild again.

I got dressed so we could got to the clinic and have another beta just for reassurance. J started to get ready too. We were sitting on the ottoman, putting shoes on soberly, and I just looked at her and said, “I can freak out and ruin the Saturday we’ve been looking forward to, or I can ride it out and we can enjoy our day.” I decided we should just embrace the day and try to be positive. We had a phone meeting with our potential photographers, so instead of cancel I put on a brave face and we enjoyed our meeting with them. (Caitlyn, if you’re reading this, it’s the wonderful photographers you recommended!)

After the meeting I started crying again. I’ve been feeling more dread and sadness than anxiety. I cried in J’s arms and we were just sad and confused. Then the spotting turned to brown. It was stringy, which I know from my last pregnancy is actually good; it’s old blood from either implantation or uterine stretching. We felt a little bit reassured, but the cramping continued. I left the house to get a haircut. Brave face again.

We ate homemade Thai food and took a long nap, followed by a long walk in which we got really excited about wedding stuff and made some fun plans. I a way I thought maybe I should stay in bed for the day, but it helped to get out of the house. I kept cramping all afternoon, and started using an extra progesterone, as suggested by our IVF coordinator. Tonight we got dressed up and went to for an awesome date, out to dinner in Echo Park and to an industrial art space show where J has done some welding classes.

I feel optimistic. It’s possible that I’m not having a miscarriage, that our little nugget is still here, still alive and fighting and feeling loved. If I am in fact having a miscarriage, it will be a very difficult week and I can’t imagine how awful it would be to have to go through it all over again. I hope and pray that we are lucky and in a couple of weeks and then months we can celebrate that everything was healthy.