Archives for posts with tag: Lupron

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up feeling like something exciting was happening, like Christmas, but it was just J’s first day of stimulation meds! J’s work schedule lately has been insane – apparently when an architect has a deadline, self-care goes out the window, which is so different from my field as a therapist! It was a rough week. We took our Lupron early or late every night and I started to worry about stress and J’s egg production. We fixed that yesterday, spending a great day nesting together. J read some articles on stress and IVF. We’re going to try to relax a little more this week, and Friday was our last night of having a couple of drinks. Our doctor’s guidelines are four or less alcoholic drinks a week. We were going to stop drinking altogether, but with the stress last week, I thought it was possibly better to have a beer to relax Friday night than no drink at all. We have completely stopped drinking during the week and had 1-2 glasses of wine or beer a night for the past month. What does everyone out there in blogland think about having a drink or two on weekends while TTC? What did you do?

Last night we went to The Getty Center. It was amazing! Twilight overlooking Los Angeles, a sweet little picnic in the garden, then some museum time (we saw Jackson Pollock’s Mural). I started to get nervous about J’s first night of stimulation around 8pm and we headed home. We had to watch several videos on freedommedteach.com to remind ourselves how to work the Follistim pen and mix the Menopur. That stuff is complicated – powder, water, mixing needles, a “pen” that’s actually a mean little needle that clicks menacingly as you dial up the medication. We have an area of our spare bedroom set up for IVF – a surface I clean every few days with antibacterial spray, our sharps container, all our meds, and um, a teddy bear I sometimes hold while J gives me the Lupron shot. Yeah, I’m a baby but I can’t be a baby anymore after what J went through last night! We set everything up and followed the videos slowly while J injected three needles. She was so brave! I just sat there feeling really impressed and acting as nurse. She already has a few small bruises on her stomach but she’s super tolerant so I know she’ll be okay. Babe, you are amazing!

unnamed

It’s like a medical lab in here!

I had a gift ready for J that I put in our medical area yesterday morning so she’d have that to look forward to all day instead of needles. After stimming I gave it to her – it was heart-shaped Lavender shortbread, honey vanilla lip balm, a Harmony candle and some herbal throat drops she likes since the air here is so dry lately. I also spent hours making her an organic strawberry rhubarb pie which we ate during our picnic – see below! I hope these gifts helped ease the pain a little.

I know it’s going to be hard to face three needles every night for 8-10days, but I’m also really excited. Nervous too. I’m scared that I won’t get pregnant, that I’ll waste J’s money, or that I’ll get a BFP and then miscarry. I’ve been talking to my sister about this lately as she is a tiny bit older and wiser than me, and she reminds me that you can’t prepare for such things, they just happen and there’s no way to know, but the fear is still there. Other times I let myself imagine everything will work out and then I’m like holy shit, what if I get pregnant?! Yikes what do we do then?! I guess only time will tell…

47DB54D9-AFFB-4219-82E2-13EA75750ED7_zpsnwvcf0nu

Strawberry rhubarb pie was yummy and came out really well. Owen the Owl sent us good luck and baby dust!

 

Advertisements

What I want in my life is to be willing to be
Dazzled – to cast aside the weight of facts and
maybe even to float a little above this difficult world.

– Mary Oliver

It’s been a very, very rough couple of years, and the bittersweet irony got lost sometimes. My biggest fear – emotional and physical abandonment – happened in the worst way. As a psychologist, I deal with my clients’ abandonment every day, and there is no underestimating the depths of despair here. However, I also believe that if you’re hard-wired to be sensitive, if sadness finds you on most days, if you assume you are unlovable and you ask those around you to prove otherwise every day, you will invite abandonment into your life. Did I invite mine?

I truly believe that darkness gives way to even brighter light though, and I’m more ready than ever to move on. I’m excited and strong and things are only going to get better, and that’s what this blog is about.

My partner and I started an adventure in Los Angeles a year ago. We’re a bit more settled now in our new house, new jobs, and new connections! It was the end of a rough era and today marks the beginning of a new one – an era of good fortune and love.

This blog is a place to process my reflections and revelations, and a place to share the great adventures my girlfriend and I are going to have in the year to come! Thank you for reading, and stay posted because we are off to the races!

Here’s to spring, to being open, to learning to trust again, and seeing what amazing things happen in return!