Archives for posts with tag: lesbian IVF

Before I rant, final beta at 16 dp5dt is 3127. I’m five weeks today.

We were very short-staffed today and I had to race around, covering two therapy groups in a row and doing unscheduled walk-in triages when I wasn’t even on call. All of my scheduled clients needed more support than usual, crying and going over their session times. I’m usually patient and calm (that’s what they pay me for!) but today I found myself fidgeting and just generally not giving my all. I had sessions at 1 and 2 and still hadn’t heard from the nurse, so my nerves were shot when I raced back to my desk at 3.

There was a roller coaster of emotions as I finally listened to this voicemail, as my thoughts raced – thank God, it’s a good number, no wait, it’s too low, wait is this good or bad? I was relieved, then scared as I realized it was lower than my beta on the same day the first time I was pregnant, which was 5250. A number I’ll never forget – a number that led to celebration and confidence, followed three weeks later by shock and heartbreak. So it doesn’t mean anything, right?

My mom and the nurses have assured me that the beta is great. They’re looking for it to have a ten fold increase from the 8dp5dt beta, and it’s done that and then some.

J reminds me that whatever is happening with our embies, we have no control over it. We have to ride the wave and we’re going to be okay no matter what. I also realized how anxious and stressed I’ve been since last night, enough to seriously increase cortisol levels. I’ve decided to totally relax tonight, no light workout or walk like I’ve been doing, no googling hcg levels.

So here I am on the couch with a bowl of hot spinach fettuccine with chicken, sautéed kale and alfredo sauce, and cookies waiting, watching David Tutera’s My Fair Wedding (why doesn’t he do gay weddings?!) and gearing up for an evening of wedding planning.

Thanks for the support, you ladies are a saving grace.

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1DP5DT

I knew that I would feel anxious about implanting, but I actually feel terrified. I feel like I’m going to cry from the fear. I also feel warm and happy, having J’s embies back inside of me where they belong.

I feel like I’m holding my breath. This morning when I woke up I spent some time praying, asking for our embies to hatch successfully, to burry in, and to stay. I visualized this happening. I feel so much more connected to them than I did the first time, probably because I felt close with my fetus who didn’t make it, and have had four more months to think about them, four more months to see us as moms, four more months to understand that these last two embies are so loved and depended on.

Tonight I’ll post a brief story of our transfer with some pictures. I’ll have extra time after work now during the time I usually work out for an hour.

There’s a lot to catch up on since we returned from Italy, and with our new engagement, it’s happening fast! One thing I like about IVF is the flexibility and control you have with scheduling, although if you’re trying to conceive in your own home, I supposed it’s way more flexible! I stayed on the birth control a few extra days when we got back so that I would have Day 2 of my period on a Saturday and not have to miss work.

Day 2 we had an ultrasound and my lining was normal for that time of the month (very thin). I had the same endometrial cysts I’d had prior to starting our original IVF cycle in the spring, which they weren’t worried about. They call these “chocolate” cysts because they’re full of blood and dark, and I just want to say that I think that’s gross. Thanks for ruining chocolate for me, fertility clinic. Because things were normal, I didn’t have to have any bloodwork. The nurse went over our cycle schedule with us. I started Estrace twice daily.

Today we went in for my hydrosonogram to see if there was any scarring from the D & C. I took ibuprofen and a Valium, because I have vasal-vagal reactions when it comes to medical things being in my vagina. Our favorite nurse took mercy on me and brought it out to the waiting room. I waited for it to kick in, but while I was getting undressed I saw the tools and speculum on the counter and thought about how the doctor who discovered our miscarriage was about to do my procedure. I started sobbing. I’ve been so happy with the engagement and work and everything that I haven’t felt very emotional, and all of a sudden I was scared. Scared that something would be wrong, or that we won’t get pregnant, or worst of all, that we’ll have another miscarriage. J was of course sweet and supportive.

When the doctor came in (our own doctor wasn’t there today), I told her I love her but she better tell me something good because now I associate her with my miscarriage. I know, I have no filter. I had an US first. My uterine lining is 5.9mm and they want it to be 7 by Tuesday, so that’s fine. However, once I was in the stirrups and the doctor put the catheter through my cervix, I was extremely uncomfortable. It hurt! Wow. I don’t even want to think about the pain. She apparently put water in my uterus and looked around but I was so uncomfortable I had to take J’s word for it. There was good news though, no scarring and my uterus looks great.

I went up to Estrace 3x daily today. Our embryo transfer is scheduled for October 28th. Doing IVF and working full-time is really hard. I don’t want to miss any work, especially since we have a clinical meeting every morning at 8 and then I have clients and groups back-to-back, and rescheduling things is really difficult. Today our IVF coordinator emailed to ask if we could change the transfer to the 29th, but I’m already booked with clients all day that day, so I asked it to be kept on the 28th. Then I get anxious – what day is best for our blastie? So many factors to consider, but our nurse said that it doesn’t matter which day we do it, it was just a scheduling consideration. Our embryo is actually kind of a 6-day blastocyst, as it grew an extra day after our original transfer before it was frozen. J pointed out that these embies are frozen in time – if this one becomes our little child, he or she will be several months older that she really is, if you count the time she spent frozen at the clinic, waiting for us to create her.

Since we’re only transferring one embryo, and since I experienced a miscarriage I didn’t think would happen, I’m not as excited as I was last time. I feel that anything could happen and I’m just going to try to be as open as possible. In the meantime, I’ve been sick with a cold this whole week and haven’t been exercising too much, but trying to eat healthy and drink decaf instead of regular in the afternoons. Our fertility doctor doesn’t think that any special diets or herbs will make any difference with implantation or any other part of IVF, but she does suggest eating healthy and cutting way back on exercise during implantation, so that’s what we plan on doing.

J has a new niece. She’s three weeks old. J just left for the baptism, and because I keep getting sick I didn’t want to travel or get the new baby sick, so we canceled my plane ticket and I’m home alone for the weekend. I’m having fun looking at engagement rings and thinking about wedding and baby stuff! I’m very sorry to miss her new niece’s baptism, though, and can’t wait to meet the little baby soon!

Quick medical update, then hopefully tomorrow I’ll have time to write a post about our weekend adventures.

J’s follicles are blooming. Yesterday her estrogen was almost 2,000 and she had 18 follicles on one ovary and 14 on the other. We finally saw our doctor yesterday who we hadn’t seen since starting stimulation. She told us that unfortunately J is at risk for OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) because she’s responding so well to the meds, but hopefully that won’t happen. For now we’re keeping the same doses – 150 Follistim (down from 225 three days ago), 1 menopur, 5 Lupron. Here’s an ultrasound of J’s follicles:

photo-54

J told me she could “feel something happening” in her abdomen. I find this fascinating. What does it feel like? Does it hurt? She said it felt like thirty cotton balls saturated in liquid had invaded her uterus, that she felt “full” but it didn’t hurt. Interesting. Her stomach is covered in blue bruises and small red needle marks. I feel awful every night when she has to inject again so I’ve been cleaning the house and making comfort food.