Archives for posts with tag: hcg

Before I rant, final beta at 16 dp5dt is 3127. I’m five weeks today.

We were very short-staffed today and I had to race around, covering two therapy groups in a row and doing unscheduled walk-in triages when I wasn’t even on call. All of my scheduled clients needed more support than usual, crying and going over their session times. I’m usually patient and calm (that’s what they pay me for!) but today I found myself fidgeting and just generally not giving my all. I had sessions at 1 and 2 and still hadn’t heard from the nurse, so my nerves were shot when I raced back to my desk at 3.

There was a roller coaster of emotions as I finally listened to this voicemail, as my thoughts raced – thank God, it’s a good number, no wait, it’s too low, wait is this good or bad? I was relieved, then scared as I realized it was lower than my beta on the same day the first time I was pregnant, which was 5250. A number I’ll never forget – a number that led to celebration and confidence, followed three weeks later by shock and heartbreak. So it doesn’t mean anything, right?

My mom and the nurses have assured me that the beta is great. They’re looking for it to have a ten fold increase from the 8dp5dt beta, and it’s done that and then some.

J reminds me that whatever is happening with our embies, we have no control over it. We have to ride the wave and we’re going to be okay no matter what. I also realized how anxious and stressed I’ve been since last night, enough to seriously increase cortisol levels. I’ve decided to totally relax tonight, no light workout or walk like I’ve been doing, no googling hcg levels.

So here I am on the couch with a bowl of hot spinach fettuccine with chicken, sautéed kale and alfredo sauce, and cookies waiting, watching David Tutera’s My Fair Wedding (why doesn’t he do gay weddings?!) and gearing up for an evening of wedding planning.

Thanks for the support, you ladies are a saving grace.

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Quick update because I’m exhausted! Hcg level was 245 today, with a doubling time of 42.5 hours. Although my numbers are actually higher this pregnancy, during the first pregnancy our doubling time was only 28 hours, which means it actually doubled faster last time. When I realized that, I started to freak out again, so I just keep reminding myself that the numbers are higher. The first time my Hcg was 63 at 7dp5dt, and this time it was 112 which is almost twice as high!

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So many factors can affect Hcg – how quickly the embryo implanted, whether it’s still implanting, how the body is responding. I was kind of hoping for crazy Hcg levels in hopes of twins, but it seems like a singleton. Who knows! I know, I know, we didn’t want twins, I especially don’t want to carry them, but at the same time, how amazing would it be!

In other news, J gave me her great aunt’s wedding set for me to wear while my engagement ring is being made. Her parents drive the ring all the way from Minnesota this week! Of course, they were on their way here anyway but still… J had to stay in San Diego overnight after a business meeting to meet her parents, get the ring and drive it back up to LA. She was extremely close to her great aunt growing up and when her aunt passed away she left J the ring set. The stone is actually a cubic zirconia because her uncle had he real diamond remove for safekeeping when her aunt went into a nursing home. Unfortunately, her family doesn’t know where the diamond is. We’re going to see if a jewelry shop can un-fuse the band from the engagement ring, and I can wear it while I’m pregnant as it’s slightly too big for me! Perfect!

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I haven’t met my WP friends in person, but I feel so close to this community of amazing women right now. I don’t even want to share my test results because I feel like if everyone can’t have a BFP or a full-term pregnancy, I don’t want to share mine. I’m going to power through though, because I know you all are used to all kinds of fertility blog posts and have felt happy or at least respectfully envious when your own news was so heartbreaking. After my miscarriage I had to unfollow a lot of blogs, and who knows if that’ll happen again. For now, I can honestly say that I’ve been excited to share my news here all day, because I love this community.

Anyway… Beta is 112. The merciful nurse called me at 12:30 instead of waiting until the end of the day. I was literally shaking when the phone rang, and my stomach had been hurting from anxiety. I was eating lunch with a coworker who knew the call I was waiting for and rushed to check on me and then hug me! I called J right away. We’re so excited!

The nurse said that my “numbers look excellent.” 112 is almost twice as high as my first beta on the same day last cycle. The first thing I asked was whether it could be a sign of twins but she said it’s too early to tell.

I guess this means that I’m four weeks. She didn’t spell it out for me or give me a due date and I forgot to ask, but I don’t care, I just want this pregnancy to last!

I’m so grateful and so happy. I feel different about this pregnancy than I did the first one in June. I’m now settled into a job I was totally stressed about taking. I love the work and the environment. I have more income. I also feel good about J and I being engaged. Last time we were committed to each other and starting a family, but we had no plans to get married. We’re closer, more settled and in a really loving and positive place right now. I’m open and hopeful!

This weekend I’m hoping to do some wedding planning and blog about it…