Finding a donor was the most daunting part of TTC so far. Since my partner is Korean and we’re using her eggs, we focused on finding an Italian-American donor who may have some of my characteristics. The first hurdle was choosing a sperm bank, which was a huge decision in itself. The websites, prices and selections are all really different. We ended up buying memberships to both Fairfax Cryo and California Cryo so we could get a better idea of which Italian donors fit what we wanted.

My partner left this choice up to me since she’ll already be biologically related, so I summoned my mother to help. I gave my mom the login info and a second later she sent a text that just said, “This is weird.” Yes, that’s why I need help!! She eventually got over the weirdness and gave me feedback on my favorites. “Sperm dating” mostly focused on a trifecta of important factors – baby pics sorta similar to mine, current career, and personality. Then there were more fun things to confuse me – staff impressions, celebrity look-alikes, donor audio comments, family relationships, medical history. We noticed that California Cryo had a lot of donors in the entertainment industry like dancers and actors, which was kind of funny. Not really what we were looking for, so we moved to Fairfax. Fairfax website isn’t as user-friendly but their selection is great.

A few Saturdays ago I made J breakfast and put all our donor options on the dining room table. It was like a final decision breakfast. Over pancakes we read and listened wrote pros and cons. What finally tipped our decision was hearing the donor talk about his great-grandfather being a “straight off the boat Italian.” My grandfather was the same, and this donor was adorable as a little boy, pre-med with plans to become a pediatric oncologist, and described as being really sweet and respectful. There was another we really liked but he didn’t have any vials available. On Monday morning I called Fairfax and ordered the pre-med guy, and once it was done I tried not to look back. As my mom said, all the donors are excellent candidates, so it’s a crap shoot. You have no idea what their genes, mixed with J’s genes, will be like, and every embryo from that combination would produce a totally different child so there’s just no way to know.

Our swimmers arrived at the clinic yesterday! It feels surreal.

My & J's baby pic

My & J’s baby pic

Our donor

Our donor