Archives for category: Same-Sex Marriage

We’re finally planning our wedding! We really committed to our six weeks of DIY couples therapy, which has improved our interactions a lot. We got excited about wedding planning and have come up with an affordable and fun weekend plan. As some of you know, we had planned our wedding for Sequoia National Park while I was pregnant, but medically, it wasn’t a good idea, and since Gia was born, we haven’t exactly been in a place to plan a wedding. 

It’s not the hippie wedding in the woods I planned two years ago, and it’s not in the Tuscan countryside we considered, but it’s convenient for our family and close friends, especially now that there are SEVEN baby and kid cousins between our two families! When we looked at our priorities, having our community there was really important. Keeping it low-stress and outdoors-y was also important. 

I planned the whole thing in about a week  and it came together so easily. The ceremony and reception will be at an amazing brewery in north San Diego (craft beer country). There are gardens, a koi pond, stone walkways and a small green lawn where the ceremony will be held. My best friends from college are doing the officiating and music, and another talented friend of ours is doing our photography. Afterwards we will have a farm-to-table meal on the garden deck. 

Here are some pics from someone else’s wedding in the same spot:


And some pics of us checking out the ceremony space and trying the food (Gia loved the sautéed greens):


We found a fun hotel near the brewery and stayed there Saturday night to see if it would feel right for the wedding. We booked one of its cottages on a lake to stay in on our wedding weekend. It has its own porch and fire pit, plus a kitchen to make cocktails and snacks, and the hotel has two really nice pools and hot tubs. 


I’m excited to share this here, and wish I had more time to write about my thoughts and daydream about my vision. I’ve waited so long to plan my wedding and now that it’s here, it’s also bringing up some difficult feelings, of course, mostly fear and perfectionism. I had mixed feelings about the hotel, but after a lot of processing and analyzing we decided to go ahead and embrace the plan. Today we put down deposits, sent out save-the-dates, and launched our website! 

 Gia has been sick and work has been stressful. We sleep-trained using the happy sleeper for three nights and she responded well, then promptly got sick and has mostly been in bed with us for two weeks. In reaching a breaking point again, but when she gets better we will do sleep waves and get her back on track. 

9-month update to follow!

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J and I got engaged just before they announced that the Supreme Court would be ruling on federal same-sex marriage in July, which would have been just in time for us to get a marriage license and seal the deal before Glitter was to enter our world and require legal documentation that we are both her mothers. We’ve since changed our minds about getting legally married before she comes, thanks to some legal consultations and complicated finances and tax issues, BUT Friday came as a happy surprise that means so much more than just my own marriage status.

Fifteen years ago, at age 22, I sat with my old girlfriend in Massachusetts watching news coverage on civil unions. I understood why other couples would want to get married, but I had mixed feelings about the legal aspects. First of all, at the time I didn’t believe in marriage and wasn’t interested in getting married myself. I’ve always been skeptical about lifelong commitment and whether it’s natural and realistic. My father is a divorce lawyer and I’ve grown up with few role models of satisfied marriage. My own parents were in the middle of a divorce at the time, after 30 years of being together. I believed that marriage was for religious people, and having grown up in an extremely liberal and agnostic environment, I just didn’t see why non-heterosexual people would want to go there.

Fast forward to my late-twenties. All of a sudden I wanted committment, a child, a life partner. I was exhausted and disenchanted with dating and with the insecurity of new relationships and breakups. I wanted a family, a house, boring weekday evenings and Saturday mornings playing in the backyard. I had been going to Unitarian Universalist church for a few years and was softer about religion and spirituality. I was very, very hopeful that one day I too would walk down an isle, probably not in a church but somewhere, in a simple white dress, towards the love of my life. I now completely understand why same-sex marriage is so important; we just want to same rights, protections, responsibilities and legitimacies of everyone else.

My own life aside, seeing the plaintiff couples celebrate this victory is incredible. They have spent years living married life without the societal benefits, living as interracial couples had to once do; living as second-class families. I am so happy for them, and for the hundreds of thousands of couples this law effects. I am happy for the bigger picture, the symbolic and political aspects of this decision. And as a huge Obama supporter, I am so proud that this came during his term.

Friday night we felt the excitement and headed to West Hollywood to hear the mayors of WeHo and LA speak at a rally. The plaintiffs from Tennessee were there with their children and also spoke. It was moving and historic. Since I reached full term and my doctor okayed it, I even had a beer! We also went to The Abby, but I was uncomfortable being in a club with my huge belly so we just saw some friends and were out of there around 9pm! Here are pictures of the rally and of the screen at The Abby:

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Months ago I also planned on seeing Jurassic World a few weeks before the baby was born, knowing it would be one of our last loud, indulgent, thrilling 3D movies for awhile. I can’t believe that day is here! J and I both love fantasy actions, like Godzilla, Avatar, and The Hobbit. I’m soooo excited to see those dinosaurs in a few hours!

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I can’t believe we’re full-term. I can’t believe Thursday is my last day of work! I’m so excited to hug my baby girl!

Of course I’ll add a pic of Giuliana and me last fall, just as a reminder of what it’s going to feel like!

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