Archives for the month of: March, 2016

First, a quick update. Work is Hell. There is a lot of drama and I’m struggling to be professional and take the high road. I have had to stick up for myself both privately and in meetings. It’s so disheartening that as a licensed psychologist, I have had to do this. I look forward to the days when I am full-time private practice! Because of the stress of work, I haven’t had as much time or headspace for other things like talking to my family and getting household paperwork done; I feel depleted all week long. Thank goodness I’m pretty good at separating work and home, so that the second I see Gia’s eyes light up, realizing I’m home, I can be present with her. 

I’m feeling much more confident about parenting. Our sleep and mealtime routine works well and it’s so nice to have some adult time in the evenings to watch TV and just hang out. We miss Gia during this time, so I’m glad that we still co-sleep with her crib in our room, and see her for night feeds. It’s worth it to be tired, as long as I’m not as tired as I was before we implemented her sleeping in her crib! 

When Gia was a newborn I struggled with a lot of anxiety; having a tiny human relying on me all the time was a shock to my 36-year-old, previously free-spirited system. Then between four and six months, before we helped her learn how to sleep by herself, I felt desperate and I have to admit, a few times wondered if I had gotten in over my head with having a child; the burden of not sleeping and working so hard was heavy.

Sometime in the past few weeks things have shifted. I’ve found myself incredibly excited to see her every morning, night and all weekend long. I adore spending time with her. She is hilarious – if I look at her out of the corner of my eye, or play a trick like sneaking up behind her, she laughs so hard. She eats pretty much anything we put in front of her – broccoli rabe in olive oil, chickpea, spinach soup and tomato soup, sesame tempeh with rice noodles. It’s amazing. Watching her explore her meal is awesome. For playtime, she’s obsessed with standing up. If you sit on the floor she will crawl over and reach for your hands, then pull herself up to standing and look around, grinning, to see who is watching. She says “Uh oh” clear as day; I’m not sure she understands what it means, but she loves saying it! She is so much fun and her schedule is under control enough that I no longer feel anxiety about the rest of it. How I will get her dressed, myself dressed, the car pulled into the driveway, the stroller into the car and the baby into the car no longer bothers me. Knowing I’ll be woken out of a deep sleep to nurse her in the wee hours of the morning no longer bothers me. I’m really proud of our family (the cats helped to, cuddling in the nursery every night during bedtime routine) for pulling ourselves together and making our home a comfortable place for Gia to sleep, learn and laugh.

Homemade vegetable soup:

 
 One hand! 
 Butterfly rocker at a play cafe: 

My older sister is about to have her second baby, and J’s brother and sister-in-law are due in July; Gia will have five first cousins! I am so excited to see what my little niece is going to be like. 

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The last post was published by accident with my stupid sore thumbs! Here it is corrected:

    
There’s so much I want to say… But it’s hard with no laptop and sore thumbs. I’m so in love with my baby. She’s developing so much and it’s amazing watching it every day. She’s so funny and sweet. When she laughs or burries her face in my neck I just melt. It’s hard to have such a huge responsibility when I’ve been free to do whatever I want for so many years, but this is exactly why I did it – to have this parent-child love in my life. Taking care of her is getting easier and I’m more confident so some of the intense anxiety I had is dissipated.

Gia update:

She’s crawling a lot now and loves to be supported while standing up but since she can’t pull herself up yet we don’t let her do it for too long. She’s eating mostly adult food as she started rejecting the baby food a couple of weeks ago. She loves vegetable soup so I’ve been making her lots of it – it’s just fresh organic vegetables cut into small pieces in broth (low salt) with beans. She’s obsessed! She also loves lentil curry with coconut milk (one of J’s specialities but made without salt) and scrambled eggs (also without salt). We give her some blueberries, mango and strawberries a few times a week but really she just wants soup!
Gia weighs 21.5 pounds. It’s difficult having to constantly lift up a baby the size of a person who normally would be able to walk around on her own. Hence the sore thumbs. I have an orthopedic appointment on Friday. I do want a cortisone shot, except that I had one in my left wrist a few years ago and it hurt so badly I cried the whole motorcycle ride home (back when J drove me around on her bike which was super hot) and it atrophied and I lost some muscle tone. But I never had pain there again! 

 Doing some yoga with the nanny: 
 Standing: 
 Breast feeding in The Gap (her favorite way to nap on weekends – in the Ergo, not in The Gap): 

Just being adorable:  

 Eating breakfast: 

J and I are reassessing our relationship now that we’re getting more used to parenting. It’s been a difficult adjustment for us and since we didn’t get a chance to get married prior to her birth, it feels like the stakes are high. Our relationship has such a strong base and we’re both fully committed. We’ve set aside one night a week to talk and connect and weekend nights have been more fun now that Gia’s bedtime is under control; we can have some beers and watch a movie together, which feels so exciting after months of having to go to bed with Gia!
That’s it for now. No organized monthly updates here, but I’m trying to keep up with you all!