Yesterday was my 13-week prenatal appointment. I have every other Friday off, but the same doctor isn’t always available on that day, so I’ve decided to see a different doctor each time, which is fine with Kaiser. My opinions about kaiser have changed a lot – I used to despise them, but we switched locations to a nicer one, and their prenatal care has really impressed me.i have United Healthcare now too, but I’ve been using Kaiser for now. I don’t even have co-pays, which is really nice. The benefit of seeing different doctors is getting different opinions and perspectives, and of course, that I don’t miss work and I can enjoy my prenatal appointments on my day off.

Yesterday, however, I finally had a doctor I didn’t like. He wasn’t horrible, but he rubbed me the wrong way, rattling off statistics about every question I brought up and not really listening to me. I appreciated his knowledge but his attitude was less than. I had these questions (this is just a sampling, all paraphrased, with what I would have liked to have said following in italics):

My question: Do I stay on aspirin 81 (the fertility clinic told me to ask my doctor)?

His answer: Fertility clinics do a lot of “hocus pocus mumbo jumbo” that’s based on research that’s already been disproven, ie, the theory that luteal phase support will reduce chance of miscarriage. I large research studies, pregnancies resulting from ART who were on progesterone, estrogen, and low dose aspirin had the same number of miscarriages as those without progesterone.

Okay fine, I appreciate the statistical info, but do you have to be rude about it and negate everything the clinic we just spent a year of our life trusting has told us?

My question: Since the subchorionic hematoma is still present, what are your recommendations for sex and exercise?

His answer: The only reason I would tell you not to exercise would be so that I’m not the only doctor telling you to go ahead, since every other doctor will say not to.

Okay, I appreciate the honesty since I know that bed rest is not helpful for miscarriage prevention unless the SH is really huge.

His continued answer: Well, for heterosexual couples, or couples who are sexually active, pelvic rest is a good idea.

Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think my fiancé and I don’t have sex because we’re lesbians? The reason for pelvic rest isn’t just to prevent penetration, it’s to ensure your uterus doesn’t contract unnecessarily. This doctor needs to so some research on working with LGBTQI couples!

My question: Does my fiancé need to get a T-DAP? Will you bring this up with her when she’s here? (So that J can talk to the doctors about it herself since she doesn’t like immunization sunless absolutely necessary.)

His answer: Well, it’s debatable whether or not she needs one, there is some evidence that whooping cough rates have increased, blah blah blah, then he says, we do recommend it for fathers who haven’t had it in the last few years. It depends on how much your fiancé will be around the baby.

Excuse me?!?!?! It’s her fucking baby too, why would she not be around the baby?! Would you say this to a heterosexual couple?!

Needless to say, the doctor seemed a little homophobic, or at least needs to improve his bedside manner when working with LGBTQI pregnancies. I’m disappointed because he actually had a ton of helpful information and statistics, but he was one of those people who don’t listen and talks and looks at his computer while working with patients. Gggrrrr!

During the ultrasound, he jiggled the transducer a tiny bit and the baby jumped up and down. It was cute, but also a little jarring. I’d asked him why she wasn’t moving, so he did I it in reaction to that. He didn’t get the best picture but she’s still adorable! For some reason she felt like being upside down 🙂


More posts to come this week, I’m already behind on updates!