The morning sickness really kicked in this weekend, which was reassuring. Yay, I’m nauseous! Yay, my breasts feel like they’ve been punched! Yay, I’m awake from 2-4 every morning! Ah, those reassuring miseries! Although I haven’t had any heavy or red bleeding since my second ultrasound last Friday, I’ve continued to have pink and brown spotting. I’m up to four progesterone suppositories daily, but I won’t share the lovely effects of that even on a TMI TTC blog. Worst of all, we cannot have sex.

We’ve learned a lot about subchorionic hematomas in the last few days. Most women who have them seem to be put on complete or partial bed rest, but there isn’t any evidence that would help with one like mine. I really miss exercising now, having thought I’d be finally going back to it after the first US, and instead going from taking walks and using light weights to exactly nothing! I just want the baby to be okay, so I’ve given up extra activity aside from working. Last night J said, “I thought you just get pregnant, eat healthy for 9 months then have a baby!”

We had to make a really hard decision over the weekend to postpone our wedding. I felt strongly that having our full wedding before the baby came was important, so we were scrambling to set everything up in time. Our save-the-dates were finished Saturday morning and we reviewed the venue contract and got ready to send in the deposit. We even went to Sur la Table to start our registry Saturday night! The machine you use to scan items you want on your registry was broken, so I guess that was a sign. Sunday morning, my mother called me and shared that she feels the hemorrhage is just one of many things that can happen, and that being in a secluded location any time in our third trimester is not a good idea. We were planning our wedding for Sequoia National Park when I would have been 28 weeks, a time when you can go into preterm labor and any number of other complications can happen, especially with an “older” mother (I’ll be 36). My mother had been so completely excited about our wedding, I know she was thinking medically about this and I appreciate her intervention.

When my mom called, I was walking into Michael’s to look for lanterns for the reception tables. My sister and I had been talking about the decorations an hour before. It was the first time I had actually gone out to do a wedding planning activity. I totally trust my mom though, and as I heard the words coming out of her mouth, I knew it was the right thing to do. I sat in an empty craft classroom in Michael’s and sobbed. I felt like a rug was being pulled out from under me. At the same time, I felt taken care of and like our baby is already loved, and that was nice.

We’re now focusing completely on the pregnancy. In a few weeks when we feel more comfortable, we’ll start the wedding planning again, probably for spring 2016. I feel really sad and disappointed, but I also know it’s the right thing to do. I’ll be able to drink at my wedding, and I’ll get over a year to plan, and we’ll be able to take a honeymoon (hopefully with our child) and those are all good things.

Time cannot move fast enough until our ultrasound on Wednesday afternoon. I can’t wait to see my baby’s heart pounding away again. I’m sending him/her a ton of love and hope! Grow and be strong, little one, we love you and want you so much!

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