I don’t know whether or not I’ll still need the vacuum procedure in scheduled for tomorrow morning because I’ve been bleeding since I took a second dose of misoprostil on Monday. I have Valium, Vicodin and Doxycycline waiting by the door and they may or may not get used tomorrow. I’m supposed to take them when I arrive in the waiting room. Does that mean I dope myself up before the ultrasound to see if I even need the procedure?!

Last night a couple of dresses I ordered as makeshift maternity items to get me through the next few months arrived. I wore one to work today. The six pounds I packed on trying to deal with morning sickness have already started to dissipate and the dress looked frumpy.

I thought work would distract me. It did for the most part, until a co-worker shared with me that his wife is 5 months along, then later came to my office to personally show me ultrasound pictures. I almost lost it but of course just smiled.

Every time I go through something really sad, I appreciate my cats even more than usual. They are my comfort and joy amidst pretty much anything.

J had to go out of town last night on a business trip. Only one night. I think it was harder for her to leave me alone than me to be alone. I can’t wait for her return in a couple of hours.

I’m not pregnant anymore and I miss it so much. It was exciting and wonderful. I felt like the little child I’ve imagined for seven years was coming closer. Now she’s just a dream again. It’s like another blogger (I hope you read this!) said in one of her entries: “Just give me my babies!”

I know our little nugget wasn’t ready for the world. He or she was sick. We love you anyway, and I miss carrying you around with me everywhere I go. I can’t wait to meet your sibling.

J and I are ready to get past this and have a few months of summer. A few months to settle into work, to enjoy our relationship, to hike, to travel. I’ll start all of that as soon as I stop crying randomly…

Thanks to my word press friends; you’re all so loving. Tonight I’m sending out positive wishes for all your journeys…

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