The above tests were from Sunday, Monday and today. I have no patience so yesterday, after analyzing the very faint extra line and changing the photo filters over and over to make it show up, I finally just took a digital one. I love how it spells it out!

This morning was my first beta. The blood draw nurse at our clinic is awesome. I told her about the digital test and she said it can’t lie! Then I waited allllll dayyyyyyy and finalllllllly got a call from our IVF coordinator at 4pm. Despite the positive HPT, I wanted to know my levels are good before getting excited! Hcg level is 63, and this week I’ll be four weeks. Wait a minute, four weeks?! How is that possible? J’s retrieval was only two weeks ago! I guess it’s calculated differently for IVF?

This is crazy. Everything happens at once. I haven’t slept well in two days and I get crabby when that happens. I’m trying to finish everything at work as Friday is my last day, but it’s hard to concentrate with a little nugget inside of me! My grandfather, who is 90, was rushed to the hospital this morning with an infection. He has dementia. When I called him in his hospital room he knew who I was but asked over and over when I’m going to come home from my “trip.” I’ve lived in California for ten years but he waits for me to come home. I cried in my office when we hung up.

I had 4am insomnia, nervous for the test. When I finally fell asleep I dreamt that J and I were babysitting my niece and I left her alone while changing her diaper. When I realized my mistake I ran across a town to get back to her and ran up the stairs to get her. I couldn’t tell if she was still alive when I grabbed her in the dream, and then I woke up. I love her so much and all day I’ve felt like a horrible person.

I don’t mean to be a downer. I’m really happy that I’m pregnant obviously. Even though it was our first try, we put nine months of planning and years of savings into it. Literally four months of medications, tests, early morning clinic visits and constant planning went into it. It’s just all happening so fast and I need time to process it! Once this week is over I can’t wait to celebrate!