Archives for the month of: April, 2014

Last night we started Lupron injections. We were a little nervous so I suggested an after-work run, as pain is less noticeable after exercise. Upon return, we look at each other fearfully. Where’s the pharmacy bag? J asks. We spent some time watching YouTube videos of other baby-challenged girls giving themselves lupron injections. If she can do it, we can do it! J says.

We open our syringes and bottle of medicine. J cleans her belly with alcohol swab and waits for it to dry and I draw up. She tells me to go steady. I tell her I’m going to just do it so we don’t psych ourselves out. She looks away, I stab the needle in quickly and as gently as possible and push the medicine in. She repeats the process with me and afterwards I lie on the floor on a yoga mat. We give each other high fives. We did it!!!

Now we just have to do it every night for weeks…

In other news, we haven’t picked up J’s medications from MDR yet. For those of you not in fertility treatment, MDR is the fertility pharmacy. Apparently if you walk around LA carrying one of these bags other baby-challenged couples will know you’re in treatment. I know this from the intern at my office whose wife went through three IVF cycles, didn’t get pregnant, then finally got pregnant using IUI. Yay! She’s actually due next week!

Anyway, back to meds – we haven’t picked them up yet because the total cost of them is… gulp… $2,641.30. Wow.

What I want in my life is to be willing to be
Dazzled – to cast aside the weight of facts and
maybe even to float a little above this difficult world.

– Mary Oliver

It’s been a very, very rough couple of years, and the bittersweet irony got lost sometimes. My biggest fear – emotional and physical abandonment – happened in the worst way. As a psychologist, I deal with my clients’ abandonment every day, and there is no underestimating the depths of despair here. However, I also believe that if you’re hard-wired to be sensitive, if sadness finds you on most days, if you assume you are unlovable and you ask those around you to prove otherwise every day, you will invite abandonment into your life. Did I invite mine?

I truly believe that darkness gives way to even brighter light though, and I’m more ready than ever to move on. I’m excited and strong and things are only going to get better, and that’s what this blog is about.

My partner and I started an adventure in Los Angeles a year ago. We’re a bit more settled now in our new house, new jobs, and new connections! It was the end of a rough era and today marks the beginning of a new one – an era of good fortune and love.

This blog is a place to process my reflections and revelations, and a place to share the great adventures my girlfriend and I are going to have in the year to come! Thank you for reading, and stay posted because we are off to the races!

Here’s to spring, to being open, to learning to trust again, and seeing what amazing things happen in return!

My partner and I have been considering having a baby together since last fall. Since we are both women, we were sent straight to the fertility clinic. The info from our amazing doctor at USC Fertility in Los Angeles has been great, but more personal and detailed information I’ve been able to read on other lesbian couples’ blogs has been key. I want this blog to be accessible to other couples looking for information on lesbian pregnancy.

There are a few different options for couples like us; we could inseminate at home with a midwife and fresh sperm, or inseminate at a fertility clinic using IUI (in-utero insemination) using frozen sperm from a cryobank. We could also opt for IVF (in-vitro fertilization), in which eggs are harvested and extracted, fertilized with frozen sperm outside the body, then successful embryos implanted back into the uterus. And an even more complicated option is reciprocal IVF, where the eggs of one female partner are fertilzed and implanted into the uterus of the other partner, allowing both to be a part of the pregnancy.

Reciprocal IVF felt like an obvious choice for us. I have wanted to get pregnant for seven years, so I really wanted to carry. Unfortunately, according to my bloodwork my fertility is rapidly declining. My partner wasn’t interested in carrying but her fertility workups look great – lots of eggs, and AMH and FSH levels very good. My partner is also adopted and has no known biological family, so this way I get to be pregnant and she gets to meet the first biological relative she’s ever known!

Of course this is the most invasive, technical, and expensive way to try to conceive. If my partner didn’t have the amazing job she does as an architect, I could not make this dream a reality; I would be scrounging for the mere few thousand dollars IUI would cost me. I’m really lucky that my partner was into this idea and willing to fund this incredibly special experience we’re about to embark on.

Despite the constant bloodwork, rounds of hormones, needles, and “procedures,” I feel like reciprocal IVF is super romantic. Getting to have the experience of J’s baby growing inside would be what straight women get to feel when carrying their own children. I believe that humans can do positive, amazing things with science, and this is one of them.

We’re about to start our first round of IVF, so I will write another post about the timeline!